"One Thing I Ask"...My Heart's Cry

Yesterday I was attending "This Thing" on campus. "This Thing" is a worship gathering we have at the Recreation and Aerobics Center (RAC) on Tuesday nights to just get together and worship as students.  Anyways, during the worship in music they sang this song called "One Thing." It was really stirring me up because I was just speaking with my friend Andrew about this very topic.  The words go like this:

Single minded, whole hearted
One thing I ask
Single minded, whole hearted
One thing I ask

That I may gaze upon Your beauty O Lord
That I may seek Your holy face
That I may know You in an intimate way
And follow after You all of my days
And follow after You all of my days

All of life comes down to just one thing
And that’s to know You O Jesus
And to make You known

This has been the cry of my heart recently. This Paul Washer clip (listen to it!!!) really drove me to the ground and convicted me.  I had heard him share this story before but just heard it again this week.  He recounts the story of when he was in Seminary (the same school I am at now actually) and he was seeking God with all that he had.  He cried out and said, "God, I cannot just read books.  I need to know you!"

I want to echo the exact same statement as brother Paul Washer.  I CANNOT GO ON JUST READING BOOKS ABOUT JESUS!! I want to know Jesus! I want to experience Him. I want to walk with Him, talk with Him, eat with him (is that weird?). I want to breathe Jesus, worship Jesus, seek Jesus, know Jesus, and glorify Jesus!  Like the Psalmist in Psalm 25, I want to be able to honestly say, "Lord, I wait on You all day long and my eyes are ever toward You!" Just like that song I want to gaze at Him and be allowed to seek his Holy face.  I want to know Him in an intimate way!!!

How can I go through school learning about the Bible, theology, Greek, and hermeneutics without experiencing the fullness of an intimate relationship with my God who created all of those things?  How can I read these great truths and not be greatly moved by them?  I desire brokenness.  That is a scary and, possibly, foolish statement.  But I want to be so broken that the wonder and majesty of the gospel would overwhelm my life in every facet of who I am!!!  If I could express this ineffable desire to know and experience and feel the presence of my Savior in words then I would; but I simply cannot.

By and large, modern day ministry is plagued with the stench of superficiality.  We have superficial preaching, superficial discipleship, superficial church, superficial relationships with one another, and superficial relationships with our God.  Oh that we may cut through the superficiality and dive into the depths of the doctrines of the love, wrath, justice, mercy, and holiness of God!  I am utterly ashamed at how little I seek the Lord.  I am ashamed that when I pray in groups, I usually am praying to other people and not to God.  I am ashamed when I examine my heart and see so much sin, selfishness, lust, pride, and envy.  But I hope I may never be ashamed of the gospel!  I am completely ranting and did not expect to write this much at all. But this is kind of my personal journal so I'll write whatever I want! haha.

I do not want to be a preacher who has gone through the motions of Seminary in order to get a folded up scroll in my hand and a pretty little tassel on my head.  I don't just want a diploma with B.A. or M.Div written in beautiful calligraphy on a fancy piece of paper.  I want an intimate, loving, vibrant, passionate, life-encompassing relationship with Jesus carved into the depths of my heart! How can I give people something that I have never experienced myself? But above all,  I pray that I may never seek to know Him better just to have a better ministry; I want to seek to know Him better just because I love Him and want to please and glorify my great God!