"One Thing I Ask"...My Heart's Cry

Yesterday I was attending "This Thing" on campus. "This Thing" is a worship gathering we have at the Recreation and Aerobics Center (RAC) on Tuesday nights to just get together and worship as students.  Anyways, during the worship in music they sang this song called "One Thing." It was really stirring me up because I was just speaking with my friend Andrew about this very topic.  The words go like this:

Single minded, whole hearted
One thing I ask
Single minded, whole hearted
One thing I ask

That I may gaze upon Your beauty O Lord
That I may seek Your holy face
That I may know You in an intimate way
And follow after You all of my days
And follow after You all of my days

All of life comes down to just one thing
And that’s to know You O Jesus
And to make You known

This has been the cry of my heart recently. This Paul Washer clip (listen to it!!!) really drove me to the ground and convicted me.  I had heard him share this story before but just heard it again this week.  He recounts the story of when he was in Seminary (the same school I am at now actually) and he was seeking God with all that he had.  He cried out and said, "God, I cannot just read books.  I need to know you!"

I want to echo the exact same statement as brother Paul Washer.  I CANNOT GO ON JUST READING BOOKS ABOUT JESUS!! I want to know Jesus! I want to experience Him. I want to walk with Him, talk with Him, eat with him (is that weird?). I want to breathe Jesus, worship Jesus, seek Jesus, know Jesus, and glorify Jesus!  Like the Psalmist in Psalm 25, I want to be able to honestly say, "Lord, I wait on You all day long and my eyes are ever toward You!" Just like that song I want to gaze at Him and be allowed to seek his Holy face.  I want to know Him in an intimate way!!!

How can I go through school learning about the Bible, theology, Greek, and hermeneutics without experiencing the fullness of an intimate relationship with my God who created all of those things?  How can I read these great truths and not be greatly moved by them?  I desire brokenness.  That is a scary and, possibly, foolish statement.  But I want to be so broken that the wonder and majesty of the gospel would overwhelm my life in every facet of who I am!!!  If I could express this ineffable desire to know and experience and feel the presence of my Savior in words then I would; but I simply cannot.

By and large, modern day ministry is plagued with the stench of superficiality.  We have superficial preaching, superficial discipleship, superficial church, superficial relationships with one another, and superficial relationships with our God.  Oh that we may cut through the superficiality and dive into the depths of the doctrines of the love, wrath, justice, mercy, and holiness of God!  I am utterly ashamed at how little I seek the Lord.  I am ashamed that when I pray in groups, I usually am praying to other people and not to God.  I am ashamed when I examine my heart and see so much sin, selfishness, lust, pride, and envy.  But I hope I may never be ashamed of the gospel!  I am completely ranting and did not expect to write this much at all. But this is kind of my personal journal so I'll write whatever I want! haha.

I do not want to be a preacher who has gone through the motions of Seminary in order to get a folded up scroll in my hand and a pretty little tassel on my head.  I don't just want a diploma with B.A. or M.Div written in beautiful calligraphy on a fancy piece of paper.  I want an intimate, loving, vibrant, passionate, life-encompassing relationship with Jesus carved into the depths of my heart! How can I give people something that I have never experienced myself? But above all,  I pray that I may never seek to know Him better just to have a better ministry; I want to seek to know Him better just because I love Him and want to please and glorify my great God!

The Missionary's Moving Memoirs

What's with the title? I like alliteration. 

But really, the title is about this missionary that came to our World Religions Seminar class today. World Religions Seminar is a class where we take many of the major works of the other religions, read through them, then come to class and enter into discussion about them.  Today we finished reading "Everyman's Talmud" which was a very interesting look into the teachings of Judaism and the Rabbinical Sages.  Anyway, back to the missionary.  This guy serves on the International Mission Board and I think he said he was in Malaysia for a number of years.  But the stories that he told of the converts to Christianity really blew me away. Here are a sample of a few of them that I can remember.

Iranian Ph.D. Students:

The missionary used to have these Iranian Ph.D. students over to his house. One day he decided to give all of them a gift.  He presented all ten of them with their very own Bible.  He said that these sophisticated Ph.D. students just began to weep right in front of him.  They said, "Pastor, I could never have this in my own country!"  Wow.  Makes me realize just how much I disregard the precious blessings of having my own Bible (along with like 5 other study Bibles). What a loser I am.

Converted Muslim Girl:

He said he met this one girl who was the daughter of a local Imam (a very high profile muslim in that particular city)  She showed up at their door one day (apparently, he was known around town) and told him to please explain Jesus to her. She needed to know about Him.  He told her and she basically repented of her sins and asked Christ to save her!  This missionary said that when a muslim converts to Christianity, the change is overwhelming and very radical.  She realized that she needed to learn more about Christianity and be discipled.  She asked him if he had any materials for her.  He was out of everything except a Survival Kit (booklet for new converts).  However, this Survival Kit was in English; she only spoke Aramaic.  She said, "Please just give it to me and I will use my English dictionary to translate it slowly." So he gave it to her.  Get this, it takes English-speaking people weeks to go through this book.  She brought it back within a week and had even memorized all 22 verses in it! She went through it with her English dictionary. 

It turns out that if you convert to Christianity in this country then you are in danger.  Many converts are thrown in jail. After that, they are released back to their homes; which is not the safest place for them now.  The family members feel it is their obligation to have them killed (because of their apostasy).  He says that it is law that you cannot kill someone for this but it is not enforced and thus happens regularly.  But this girl was still in her home and also attending this missionary's church.  One day he told her, "I don't think you should meet with us anymore.  For your safety, you should not come around her to this church that much."  Whether you agree with him or not, the girl's reaction broke me.  She fell on her face in the dirt and started weeping.  She said, "Pastor, please don't keep me away from meeting with the family of God!"

She had such a love, a bond, a connection with her brothers and sisters in Christ that she did not want to leave them, at any cost!  Compare the heart and ideologies of this former Muslim girl with your average Americanized churchgoer.  We're reluctant to wake up early for church, yet alone stay later than noon! May we have the heart of this dear sister in Christ and long to be joined in fellowship with the people of God!

On this missions note, I picked up John Piper's Let The Nations Be Glad a couple days ago.  I don't know when I'll get to reading it but I know that it is probably the best book on missions every written. haha - Zealot out

The Heart Of A Pastor: Gentleness

1 Thessalonians 2:7-8 "But we were gentle among you, just as a nursing moter cherishes her own children 8 So, affectionately longing for you, we were well pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God, but also our own lives, because you had become dear to us."

In these two verses I can clearly see the heart of a pastor; a true pastor. A true shepherd.  Paul says they "were gentle among [them]."  A true pastor carries about him a spirit of gentleness.  He is not rough, withdrawn, antisocial, or apathetic to his people's needs. He is not standoffish but approachable.  He is tenderhearted, loving, and a good listener.  He is firm in his convictions yet delicate in his demeanor.  He knows he is called with a high calling as the shepherd of the flock and thus must always seek to model the Great Shepherd.  He models the gentleness and compassion of Christ.  As Christ looked at the masses and was moved with compassion so the pastor looks at those who are brokenhearted, spiritually dry, or lost and is deeply moved with compassion and heartfelt care. This compassion inevitably leads him to interact with his whole flock with an undeniable spirit of gentleness.  Can people examine my life and rightly describe me as one who is humble, loving and GENTLE? May I seek to model Christ in tenderheartedness and gentleness.  " Lord, make me a gentle, tenderhearted man.  Give me zeal, passion, fire, but give me love, humility, and gentleness."  

In verse 8, Paul was pleased to impart the gospel to them.  One of the greatest joys in ministry is "imparting the gospel" to the world.  I strongly believe that the declaration of the gospel should be the focal point of any pulpit or pastoral ministry.  The gospel is the only message which carries with it the "power of God unto salvation for all who believe!"  However, Paul did not just impart the gospel to them but his "own [life]."  As important as preaching the gospel is, ministry is much more than just proclaiming and speaking truth to a people.  It is the giving up of your very life to those people in servitude unto the glory of God. "Lord, please send a godly man into my life who would pour his life into mine.  Send me a pastor who is bold, wise, gentle; one who has the heart of a true pastor. Lord, I desire a spiritual mentor who will disciple me and teach me what it means to be a real man."